Mother's Day

Well, it's my third year of celebrating Mother's Day as an actual mother. Luckily this year I will be able to celebrate it with my whole family. The past two years Mike has had to be out of town for this momentous occasion. I know, I didn't even get to spend my first Mother's Day as a mother with my husband, but business is business. I'm blessed enough to have the luxury to be a stay-at-home-mom, so if he has to go make the bacon on Mother's Day, who am I to complain. I'm just happy that he can be here for it this year.

I have been doing some reflecting lately, however. I am so thrilled and happy to be a mother, so for me Mother's Day isn't necessarily a day to celebrate "me", but to celebrate my family, and specifically my son. He has brought me more joy than I could ever imagine, which makes me think about my mom and how much joy (hopefully) my brother and I brought her. As most everyone knows, I lost my mother at a very young age and I've always wondered what life would have been like with her in it. How would we have shaped eachother? Because I truly believe that a mother doesn't just shape their child, but the child shapes the mother also, as is clearly evident in how my son has shaped who I've become. Whether it be a more compassionate individual or patient person (albiet, not all of the time), he has shaped me. The thought of this fills my heart, but at the same time there is an unfillable void left which has been there ever since I lost my mom, which I never truly realized until I became a mother myself. The thought of leaving this earth tomorrow terrifies me more than anything because it means leaving my little boy. I wouldn't be able to see him grow up....go to his first day of kindergarten, make his first A, score his first goal, go to college, marry his true love, have his first born....then I remember that that happened to my mother, she missed all of my firsts. No mother should have to miss out on those things and although it breaks my  heart, I know it has made me who I am today. It has made me, I believe, a better mother. So this mother's day I want to honor my mother, Diann Jean Hoelscher for the life she gave me and for making me the mother I am today.

my mother on her wedding day

my father, mother, brother & myself circa March 1980